


beers and mami confessions

by bituin



Series: butchog au [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Pining, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23325874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bituin/pseuds/bituin
Summary: jihoon shared a number of firsts with seungcheol. tonight, he learns a couple of more.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan
Series: butchog au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677466
Comments: 14
Kudos: 44





	beers and mami confessions

**Author's Note:**

> this piece is a part of a filo au at [@kinqseokmin](http://www.twitter.com/kinqseokmin). this is english narrative with filo dialogues.

jihoon doesn’t know joshua that much.

he does know that he’s a friend of seungcheol, but most of his life he has associated joshua as seungcheol’s first boyfriend.

of course this has been a news he learned from mama, who got it from tita jinkee. he and seungcheol weren’t on speaking terms already when seungcheol met joshua in his junior year in high school. but he did remember mama saying tita jinkee wasn’t fond of joshua in the beginning, because his mother seemed snobbish that one time she saw her at their local church. though, to be fair, tita jinkee was never really a fan of seungcheol’s relationships at first.

eventually, jihoon thought tita jinkee had warmed up to joshua. jihoon saw him visiting seungcheol’s house that one time he was passing by with his ate joy, and seungcheol’s family was having merienda at their terrace with the guy. joshua was handsome, he has a kind and sweet face that jihoon had no troubles imagining what seungcheol liked about him.

aside from those things he learnt about him back in high school, jihoon didn’t really know anything else about joshua, until seungcheol became his roommate two months ago and he became aware that they’re still friends after breaking up. he also learnt that joshua was now seungcheol’s best friend along with jeonghan, and they hang out all the time. seungcheol and joshua in particular, with all the late night drinks and inside jokes they share in their social media.

to simply put, everything jihoon knows about joshua, he knew because of seungcheol. which makes sense because seungcheol is their common friend. and maybe he did harbour some tiny negative feelings towards joshua before. which, again, because of seungcheol.

he watches as joshua pours his second bottle of beer in his glass. judging from the other empty bottles beside him, that could actually be his fourth one. it seems that he has started drinking way before jihoon and seungcheol arrived at his condo unit. he looks kinda tipsy, his eyes droopy but his smile is still sweet and he’s still very, very pretty.

sad. yet still pretty.

jihoon holds his own bottle of pale pilsen, seungcheol mentions how they’ve reduced to cheap beers these days because joshua drinks a lot and they can’t really afford all the fancy, hard drinks at the moment. seungcheol is ordering some pizza and chicken through Grab Food, deciding based on jihoon’s preference and joshua feigns annoyance on how his opinion doesn’t matter.

seungcheol ignores him and joshua laughs. jihoon feels a little pang in his heart watching the familiarity between them. a level of familiarity that can only be brought by years of friendship.

he and seungcheol were friends way longer than joshua and seungcheol have been. but jihoon wasn’t the person seungcheol shared his first alcoholic drink with, nor his first heartbreak. he wasn’t there when seungcheol was navigating from childhood to puberty, in dealing with his teenage years and all the shenanigans that came with it. he missed a lot of important years in seungcheol’s life, years that joshua was a part of and lived in actually.

“feeling ko pwede na ako sa circus,” jihoon’s thoughts are cut off when he hears joshua speaks yet again.

“di ko din alam bakit paulit-ulit yung paki ko, na sabi ko magmu-move on na ko pero isang aya lang nya, isang text lang,” joshua laughs, shakes his head. 

“isang _‘kamusta?’_ lang, kinikilig na naman ako. di’ba parang tanga?” joshua tells them. jihoon isn’t sure if joshua is just too drunk to care that he’s baring his heart with a stranger (even if seungcheol is around), but he guesses when you’re drunk, hurting and in love with someone you can't have, the last thing you’d care about is someone else’s opinion on how stupid you’ve become.

the way seungcheol looks so tired yet patient tells jihoon this isn’t the first time joshua talks about jeonghan, nor the first time he makes fun of himself for getting stuck with these _feelings._

“i can’t believe i’ll come to a point na pinipilit ko yung sarili kong mag-move on, e hindi naman naging kami.” joshua continues after taking a huge gulp. “at never naman magiging kami? alam mo ba anong sinabi nya when i told him i like him?”

jihoon blinks when he realizes joshua is talking to him directly. he looks over at seungcheol, who has an apologetic look on his face. like he has heard this story a billion times before and he’s sorry that jihoon has to hear it as well. of course seungcheol knew, because this isn’t the first time he had a drink with joshua.

may not even be the first time they share a heartbreak story as well.

jihoon turned back to joshua, nods to acknowledge what he said. asks him to continue.

“tumawa sya,” joshua laughs like it’s the funniest thing but at the same time, it isn’t. “tumawa sya tapos sabi nya, _‘awit.’_ ” 

“i don’t even really know what the fuck awit stands for, but alam kong it’s not something you should tell a person when they tell you they like you.” joshua continues, the hurt evident in his voice. “and then when he realized na seryoso ako, tangina. he was so sorry. pero hindi ko naman kailangan yung sorry nya.”

“and since then i felt like he’s trying to make up to me, inaaya nya ko lumabas, trying to make it seem that everything’s normal because i told him i don’t want anything to change between us. pero ang sakit pa din? kasi hindi ko pala talaga kaya na friends lang. kasi gusto ko sya talaga.” 

there are tears on joshua’s face now, but none of them say anything about it. just quietly taking sips of the cheap beer they bought at the convenience store downstairs. 

“para akong tanga,” joshua says as he sniffs. thumbing a reckless tear as he slumps on the couch. “asadong-asado kahit alam kong talo naman ako talaga.”

  
  


the Grab Food arrives sometime later, and seungcheol excuses himself to fetch it downstairs. jihoon feels like calling after seungcheol, to ask if he can come with him, because he doesn’t really know what to do when he’s left with an emotional joshua. but he lets seungcheol leave on his own, because he’s worried joshua might do something once he left alone.

like drunk text jeonghan maybe.

“sorry bilog ha, ngayon na lang nga tayo nagkakilala tapos ganito pa,” joshua suddenly says. 

jihoon blinks, feels his cheeks heat up at the sudden attention.

“ok lang,” jihoon finds himself saying. he can’t really empathize, can’t really relate. 

joshua smiles, his eyes shining. 

“alam ko paulit-ulit na ‘ko, feeling ko nga sobrang frustrated na sa’kin si cheol. ayoko na din naman maging bobo,” joshua utters, shaking his head. “hindi ko lang maintindihan bakit hindi ako makabitaw.”

“sana talaga matapos na ‘to. sana makapag-move on na ‘ko.” joshua continues, smiling sadly. “para pwede na ulit akong maging parte ng buhay nya na hindi ako nasasaktan, na hindi ako humihiling ng higit sa kaya nyang ibigay.”

“para hindi na nadudurog yung puso ko sa tuwing sinasabi nya magkaibigan kami. na hanggang kaibigan lang.” 

  
  


they drink some more after seungcheol comes back with the food. jihoon knows he can’t handle his liquor well, so he stops drinking after his third bottle. joshua has a moment of weakness when he reaches for his phone and tries to text jeonghan, but seungcheol has thankfully grabbed his phone from him and kept it until joshua fell asleep.

jihoon helps seungcheol tuck joshua in his bed, then the two of them clean the mess in joshua’s living room before they leave his condo unit. it’s already a few minutes pass 11, and jihoon momentarily wonders if this is what usually happens all those times seungcheol has to comfort joshua when he’s sad.

“may 24 hours mamihan malapit dito, gusto mo kain muna tayo bago umuwi? pampababa din ng amats.” seungcheol tells him just as they walk out of the elevator of joshua’s building. 

jihoon isn’t really drunk, he has the time to sober up. seungcheol doesn’t look drunk either, jihoon knows seungcheol is a heavy drinker. so really there’s no need for them to stop by some mamihan at the corner of the street. they should just go home and call it a day.

but “sige,” is what jihoon says, smiling when seungcheol grins big at his response. 

  
  


“kapag nalalasing ako, kailangan kumakain ako ng kahit anong mainit after. ewan ko, basta kapag ginagawa ko yun, wala akong hangover kinabukasan.” seungcheol tells him as they wait for their order of one large bowl of beef mami. jihoon isn’t that hungry so seungcheol suggested they share a big bowl instead.

“si jeonghan nakakita nitong mamihan na ‘to, alam mo ba? naging sort of tradition na naming tatlo na kumain dito every after inuman. kaso lately ako na lang saka si jeonghan kasi alam mo na, nagta-try na din kasing umiwas si joshua. kaka-miss din yung mga panahon na hindi ko kailangang mamili sa kanila, char.” 

jihoon chuckles. “akala ko ba nag-uusap pa din sila ni jeonghan?”

“oo nga, ewan ko din ba kay jeonghan. aya pa din ng aya. hindi ko alam kung naaawa ba sya o manhid lang ba talaga, o sadyang paasa lang talaga si gago.” seungcheol narrates with a pout. “nung tinanong ko naman sya, sabi nya si joshua naman daw nagsabi na walang magbabago. pero diba, dapat gets na nya yun? kung di nya kayang ibalik yung feelings, edi hayaan nyang magmove on muna. kaso hindi e, lagi pa din nyang kinakamusta. ito namang si joshua ang rupok, di rin matiis. naaawa na nga ako kasi nasasaktan lang sya sa huli. kita mo naman diba?”

jihoon nods, sighing with seungcheol. at first glance, it definitely looks like jeonghan is leading joshua on. but when you think about it, they're best friends, and jeonghan wouldn't want to hurt joshua like that. maybe he's as clueless as joshua on how they'll move forward. it's complicated. but jihoon hopes joshua and jeonghan figure it out before the hurt becomes way too much it becomes impossible for them to save what’s left of their friendship.

jihoon’s hoping joshua wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night and think of calling jeonghan when suddenly, he realizes that seungcheol just lets him in on one of the things that's troubling him. he even shared a habit and ‘tradition’ that seungcheol does with his now best friends.

it's not something flimsy, or a fond memory of their childhood. it's something important from seungcheol's life _now_ , even if it's not exactly about him.

“bakit ka tumatawa?” seungcheol asks, already grinning even if he’s clueless what it’s all about.

“wala,” jihoon says, suddenly finding the small tray of condiments in front of him quite interesting. “na-realize ko lang na two months na tayong magkasama, pero ngayon lang tayo nag-usap about something as deep as heartbreak.” jihoon says, feels himself blush. “pero hindi pa din tungkol sa’tin, ibang tao pa din.”

he doesn’t mean to say the last sentence. but it’s kinda hard not to when he feels the insecurity he felt earlier creeping back in. he has known seungcheol since they were kids, knew how sweet and stubborn he was, how he sulked when things didn’t go his way. he knew how he was as a kid, but he felt left out with the things that actually matters.

like seungcheol’s first heartbreak. his first love. did he ever cry like joshua did earlier? did he ever call himself stupid countless of times yet still fuck things over a few minutes later? how many times did he share a bowl of beef mami with his best friends after they cry their hearts out over something big or even those that seems trivial?

jihoon wants his best friend back. but he still feels like there’s so many things he has to learn about him.

seungcheol seems surprised with what he said as well, speechless as the steaming beef mami is placed on their table. jihoon flushes even more, already thinking of taking back what he said or passing it off as a joke when seungcheol speaks.

“sorry, hindi ko din kasi alam kung paano i-o-open, saka parang ang random kasi na bigla akong magkukuwento eh kakasimula pa lang nga natin mag-spend ng time together.” seungcheol starts. “pero wag mo sanang isipin na ayokong mag-share sa’yo kasi syempre gusto ko, bilog. it’s so easy to tell you everything alam mo ba? kasi tahanan ka para sa’kin. i just feel like the timing has to be right. and ewan ko, akala ko kasi hindi na importante yung mga heartbreak stories kasi hindi naman na ‘ko heartbroken ngayon.” 

seungcheol chuckles but he takes jihoon’s hand. jihoon lets him. “pero kung gusto mong malaman, kahit ano pa yan. tanungin mo lang ako, sasabihin ko naman sa’yo. kapag may gusto kang i-share, sabihin mo din, makikinig ako. seryoso ako nung sinabi ko na gusto kong makipagbalikan sa’yo.”

“as best friends.” jihoon says quickly, as if seungcheol means anything else. seungcheol frowns a bit but he laughs, gripping jihoon’s hand tighter. 

“as best friends.” seungcheol repeats. jihoon finds something in his gaze but it was gone before he can think further about it. then seungcheol is smiling, letting go of his hand to reach for their spoons.

“ano bang gusto mong malaman? dali tanungan tayo over mami, hehe.” he tells him as he hands him a spoon. “gusto mo lagyan natin ng paminta?”

jihoon nods, feels the heat on his face again that has nothing to do with the steaming mami in front of him.

“okay game! anong unang question mo for me bilog,” seungcheol grins, taking a sip of the mami while looking at jihoon.

jihoon knows he’s red in the face, considering to change the topic but he figures he should really stop avoiding seungcheol and then sulk about it later on.

“sige, ano,” jihoon starts and feels cornered with how much seungcheol is _looking_ at him. “f-first heartbreak na lang. since we’re on the t-topic.”

“first heartbreak?” seungcheol asks, considers. jihoon must have imagined his ears turning red. “first breakup na lang, pwede?”

jihoon nods, as if there’s a big difference. isn’t your first breakup normally your first heartbreak?

“second year high school, si nayoung? ewan ko kung kilala mo.” seungcheol says, he takes a chunk of beef from the bowl of mami but instead of eating it, he offers it to jihoon. jihoon blinks but takes it, waits for seungcheol to continue.

“wala naman kwenta yung breakup, siguro bata lang din kasi kami pareho nun? basta sabi nya mas ok daw yata na friends kami. so sabi ko sige. in the first place, kaya lang naman naging kami kasi parang lahat nagkakaron ng boyfriend/girlfriend that time, alam mo yun?”

jihoon nods, even if he doesn’t really know.

“okay tapos na ko, hehe. ikaw naman dali!” seungcheol says, even putting his spoon down to cup his own face and stare at jihoon. “first heartbreak.”

jihoon thinks he’s as red as a tomato now, he can’t even bring himself to look at seungcheol and busies himself eating mami.

“wala.” he tells him. he feels rather than sees seungcheol’s frown.

“wala?”

“walang first heartbreak kasi wala pa naman akong nagiging jowa e.” jihoon confesses a little too quickly to get it over with. but then there’s silence, and he looks up to find seungcheol making this weird expression.

“pinagtatawanan mo ko e,” jihoon says and seungcheol quickly shakes his head.

“huy hindi a!” seungcheol quickly defends. “walang masama kung single ka pa, that could be your choice.” seungcheol says earnestly and jihoon is kind of annoyed with how honest he looks.

“pero seryoso,” seungcheol starts and jihoon wonders why he suddenly looks coy. “wala pa talaga?”

jihoon rolls his eyes. “wala nga,” he said, feigning annoyance. but then he laughs, “sino naman kasing magkakagusto sa’kin,” he says in a matter of fact.

“sinong hindi?” seungcheol says a little too loudly. then, when he realizes it himself, he hunches his shoulders down and looks at their bowl of mami as well. 

jihoon thinks that’s the end of it when, very quietly, seungcheol says.

“ang cute-cute mo kaya.”

jihoon feels like choking on his noodles so he grabs his glass of water to drink. seungcheol’s ears might be as red as jihoon’s own face.

feeling like they’ve been quiet for too long but in reality, it’s just for a few seconds, jihoon clears his throat.

“ok,” jihoon says, “sige next question. first time uminom,” he says and curses inwardly with how lame the question was.

but seungcheol merely grins, staring back at jihoon again. 

“second year din, sinali ako ni papa nung nag-inuman sila ni papa mo sa terrace namin.”

jihoon widens his eyes, feeling the betrayal even more when seungcheol laughs, as if he knows what jihoon is thinking. “hala ang daya! college na ‘ko nung pinayagan ako ni papa na uminom sa bahay!”

  
  


they spent a couple of hours at the mamihan before they noticed it’s already 2 in the morning and they have to go home. seungcheol apologized and beat himself when he realized he has kept jihoon awake until wee hours of the morning, when it’s his duty to make sure he’s getting proper sleep. he only stopped sulking when jihoon promised he’ll sleep the whole day tomorrow since he has no classes.

they decided to walk their way back to the dorms, the streets quiet and almost empty saved from the few vehicles that pass by and a couple of city dwellers here and there. 

jihoon and seungcheol walk side by side, still throwing questions but has now turned into silly ones, like “pinaka-ayaw mong ugali ni jeonghan” and “favorite mong ate”?

“hoy wait di pwede yang tanong na yan!” jihoon quickly says and seungcheol laughs loudly but presses his lips together when he remembers what time is it.

“dali na! ako nga si ate wendy favorite ko kasi lagi syang nanlilibre pag nagkikita kami dati sa building,” wendy was an engineering major like seungcheol before she switched to culinary.

“ayokong sagutin,” jihoon answers as he crosses his arms over his chest and seungcheol chuckles.

“sige favorite espren na lang kila soonyoung, wonwoo at junhui.” seungcheol continues as they walk.

“si seokmin.” jihoon jokes and seungcheol cackles with him.

“ikaw, favorite best friend kay jeonghan at joshua?” jihoon asks, already grinning and waiting for seungcheol’s answer when seungcheol stops, his smile a little different from the cheeky one he has earlier.

“ikaw.” he suddenly says, reaching out for jihoon’s nose to boop it. then he smiles, his eyes soft. “favorite person kita.”

jihoon isn't drunk. but with the way seungcheol is looking at him, he might as well be. then maybe he could use it as an excuse to do something stupid.

like kiss him maybe.


End file.
